Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering 'it will be happier'...”
― Alfred Tennyson
Last year was a rough one. It had numerous ups and downs, and it ended on a downer - for no real reason.
That's the shitty thing about Depression. It comes in uninvited, without cause and without logic. It hangs around, making you feel worthless and pathetic, it makes it almost impossible just to get the fuck out of bed.
Until one day, the fog lifts and you're ok again. For awhile.
So, I'm still fighting the depression that I have had for a couple of weeks now. It's getting better, it just takes time. It's the new year, and while I am not one to make resolutions, I have made some decisions.
1 - I have to lose weight. This isn't the typical New years lose weight thing....I HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT. I want to be married to my wonderful husband for a long long time, and live a happy, healthy, active life with him. I want to feel better. I want my energy back. I'm not one to care about how I look (sorry, Dan)....but, I want to be healthier and live longer.
2 - I have to reduce my stress level. This, again, isn't the typical New year resolution. Over the past month, I've had a couple of severe migraines. I haven't had headaches like this since I was in high school. I feel angry most of the time, anxious.
3 - I will increase my happiness with my life. I've been generally unhappy for so many years, I don't fully know where to begin with it. I want....more. I have a great husband, who is generally pretty easy going and happy go lucky. I don't know how he doesn't let things get to him. I dwell on things. I worry them to bits in my head and in my heart.
4 - I will increase my happiness with my job. I've been an RN for 5 years. At my core, I still love nursing. I work with great people - but right now, I am feeling stifled. They always told you in nursing school that if you're not happy with whatever field of nursing you're in, you can switch and try something new. I have been unsuccessful in this, for the most part. I've worked in various fields of medical-surgical nursing (general, Oncology, Neuro, Travel, Home Health)....but I need a challenge. I am back in school studying for my BSN, and I hope to get my Med-Surg RN certification and my Stroke Certification this year....but beyond that, I do want more....
I need to fill my cup with positivity, hope, love and let those flow out.
It's a work in progress.
