Faith

I have a good number of friends....friends IRL, friends online.  I'm not bashful when it comes to talking about personal things, so a good number of those friends know what is going on in my personal life at any given time.  Some don't.  To those people, I may come across as a whiner...and I'm guilty of that for sure.  I like to think that I deal well with stress.  I maintain calmness under pressure...or so it seems. 

Lately, little things have been stressing me out.  A lot of people don't know that about 3 months ago, I completely flipped my shit.  And I do mean, COMPLETELY.  Curled up in a ball, rocking and crying uncontrollably, not sleeping and ready to walk out on a nursing contract.  Yes, it was one night of insanity, but I scared myself and my very good friends who know the details of it.  It was a lot of little things, and a few big ones (including a death)..and my ability to compartmentalize and organize my feelings, my emotions....utterly failed me. 

I'm scared it's about to happen again.

It's silly to be so upset over something like internet access....and to be WHINING about why can't things just be easy for once, for ONCE?  Silly, I say.  I know this...and yet, i'm frustrated and stressed to the point of tears. 

As I was heading to bed this evening, I passed a plaque on my wall that reads "Faith makes things possible...not easy."  and I was struck by the truth of it.  My good friends know of my struggle with faith...and where I stand on it now.  Not a Jesus Freak by any means, and most really religious people piss me off righteously.  But, you gotta have faith.  Be it in God, yourself or the Easter Bunny, you must have it.  It's as vital as air.  I myself try to have faith in that things will always work out.  The path I walk is the path I am meant to be on, and even though at times it may be steep and treacherous...it will lead me to where I am needed. 

I promise to stop whining.  ;)  *swallows a grain of salt*