Friday, July 27, 2012

Stardust

“Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life - weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today.”

- Lawrence M. Krauss


We are all stardust.  


I came out of religion's closet last night, more or less, as an Athiest.  At least, an Athiest to the Christian religion.  I still yearn for a sense of spirituality, and I can't quite put myself fully in the realm of the non-believer, not totally.  


I am a non-believer in Jesus Christ as lord and savior.  I've never been able to tow that particular line.  I've never understood how people could buy the virgin birth story, and think this man was the literal son of God.  I do feel he lived.  I do feel that he was a good man, with good ideas...and the thought of Christianity in its purest form is a good idea.  


What passes for "Christianity" today is abominable.  Judge not, lest ye judge.  Do unto others as you would have done unto you.  Love thy brother.  These things are forgotten...shoved aside in a quest for power, control, and the ability to feel above others.  


We are all stardust.  You and I?  We're made of the same stuff.  I don't care where you're from, I don't care what color you are.  The same stuff.  We're siblings in the family that is humanity.  I get angry, and frustrated, and I end up wanting to deny those who would deny others.  That makes me no better than those people.  Love your brother...


But seriously.  If you are a CHRISTIAN, explain a few things to me.  Why is it ok to judge someone for their choices regarding birth control, marriage?  Why is it ok for them to be denied the right to choose their own life?  There is no fine print at the bottom of the Bill of Rights.  We ALL have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  My happiness may be different than yours...it's MY choice.  


I happen to very strongly believe that everyone has the right to medical care, UNIVERSALLY.  I, on a personal level and for personal reasons, am against abortion..but I DO NOT have the right to ban someone else from making that choice.  I haven't walked in their shoes.  I happen to think that anyone that takes a CHILD to protest an abortion clinic should have their ability to raise said child brought into question...but, that's my OPINION.  


The Bible is a guide.  It's not a weapon, so stop using it to oppress those different than you.  Stop it.  Live your life, raise your kids.  Teach them your beliefs, but please, teach them to think for themselves.  Don't poison their minds to critical thinking.  Be open.  If I ever have a child, I'm going to teach them my beliefs, but I will also encourage them to read the Bible, read all the Holy Texts.  If they turn out to be a Christian, so be it.  Wherever they find their path, their solace...I will be fine with.  


We are all stardust.  Don't smother someone else's light with absolute black and whites.  

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Henry David Thoreau



I am driving my husband crazy.  It's not intentional, and he doesn't complain, but I know I am doing it.  


I have been trying to decide the best course of action.  Currently, I'm on contract at a hospital that I REALLY like, and making good money for once.  Of course, the events in my life of the past few years, well....I've got QUITE the hole to dig out of.  


I have dug myself out of deep financial holes before, and I can do it again...but I'm a bit PISSED that I have to do it again in the first place.  


So, now, I am trying to decide whether I should:


A) Keep working as a travel RN, taking contracts all over the country.  The wages vary with each contract, but this is what I REALLY want to keep doing.  I love the freedom of going different places, meeting new people.  I want to experience new places with my new husband.


B) If I keep traveling, decide where "home base" is going to be.  This is a harder decision that you'd think.  Currently, I am a resident of North Dakota.  Being a resident of North Dakota, my RN license has compact status, which allows me to work in 25+ states without having to apply for THOSE licenses.  If I decide to officially relocate to California, I have to lose compact status, which means I will have to apply for each state license individually, which is expensive and time consuming.  


C) Settle here in California.  Take a full time job and find a house and be here.  I like this hospital, and I have given remaining here a lot of consideration.  I like being in California, and having a consistent paycheck would be a plus...


My mind has been changing rapidly over the past few weeks.  I will make a decision, Dan will think it's settled, and then I will second guess myself and make a different decision.  


I know what I want to do.  I just don't know that it's the RIGHT decision, financially.  


My husband supports whatever I want to do.  I just need to make a decision and stick to it.  Poor guy.