Tsunami

Ride, ride this wave of mine.
There are brighter things out on the other side.
Ride, ride this wave of mine.
I know that things are going to be alright.
- Tsunami by Res

The decision has been made, and while there is peace in it, there is also a storm at the center of my being.  This is the right choice, I know, and while it's painful now, it will get better.  The tears are far from over.  This is a death.  Relationships are living, growing, breathing things, and must be tended.
 
I've never had a very green thumb.

I never actually wanted to BE married.  I did want children, more than anything, but the marriage part was never a passion for me.  I just sort of...was married one day.  And the children never came...at least not for me.  It's taken a couple of months of panic.  Of obsessive talking, repeating, rationalization...realization that things were altered irrevocably.  Pain.  No, not pain, AGONY.  This is a death, but would death be better than this?  No one person should EVER hurt this badly.  It's not worth THIS to love someone else.  To trust them...

Moments they come and then they go.
You'll feel so high and then before you know,
I could have sworn our future was set in stone
But I guess some things it's just as well for God to know

Acceptance. 

The statement.

"It's Over."

Now, I just wait on a signature.  I am moving on.  I am setting out on that journey to the bright other side.  I am scared, but I am excited.  It's different this time.  Before, I was still tethered to this place, this person.  I will not be tethered this time, and that frightens me a little.  I will REALLY be on my OWN.  The storm begins to circle, and the waves get just that much higher.
 
August 15th.  Time to ride the wave.

So now I concentrate on turning wrong to right
I am going to let go things I held inside so tight
I'm going to live and let forgive things said in spite
Clear out the smoke and usher in the light