Want

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."  - Anonymous

Lately, I've had one dominant thought.  I want. 

I want to be happy.

I want to be loved.

I want to be IN love.

I want, desperately, to be the first thing on someone's mind when they wake, and the last thing on someone's mind when they fall asleep.

I want to be that one friend that is the important one...the one that you cannot wait to tell your big, or little, news to.

At various times in my life, I've been that friend.  I've been in love, I think, I hope that was love...hurts like love...

I don't think I've ever actually been LOVED.  I've definitely never been the air that someone breathes...I've never been that person that anyone could not imagine life without.  That person that is so important you would rather die than hurt them...

This is why I don't read romance novels.  They don't make me dreamy and hopeful for a love that strong.  They make me sad because I know I will never have that kind of love.  It doesn't exist for me. 

But still....a tiny part of me wants.  I am tired of being "the option" while I make others my priority.  

But, I don't know any other way to be, and I'm terribly uncomfortable with "me" time.